Tag Archives: divorce

Why Marriages Work/Fail

Nate Thiry is a lover of God and people. If he’s not twittering, he’s most likely supporting local businesses, serving at LifeChurch.tv YKN, or dominating his Masters program. One who challenges me on a weekly basis by his thoughts and words of wisdom, I’m honored to have Nate guest post on my blog today — Send him some link love & check out his blog “Pity Laughs.”

Why Marriages Work/Fail by Nate Thiry

My two biological parents are happily married…just not to each other.  They are both, in fact, on their 3rd marriage. Simple math would tell you that I’ve been through 3 total divorces (and witnessed a few more) none of which were my own.  If you’ve begun to have pity on me, I wish you wouldn’t.  I really turned out pretty good, by the grace of God, & it’s these experiences that have given me this perspective on marriage: don’t get divorced.  Now, I’m not married, nor have I ever been married, but I’ve gained a wealth of information both by watching those who are, and those who were.

You see, I watch and learn quite a bit.  I watched my parents get divorced, and learned that it sucked.  I’ve watched people stay married, and I learned that it’s awesome.  I’ve also learned some foundational things—common denominators, if you will.

Marriages that are TRULY built on Christ, and that TRULY apply biblical principles every day will never fail.

Marriages that are built on selfishness will always fail.

Sure, I make it sound easy, and I know it’s definitely not.  I also know those aren’t the only two scenarios of marriage.  I’m also not saying it won’t take a lot of work, and that everything will always be rainbows and butterflies if you go with the first option.

A lot of times, I feel like we over-complicate things in life (especially marriage) but God gave us a simple, yet great example of marriage in the 5th chapter of the book of Ephesians.  Someone could give me all the marriage advice in the world, but none would top this stuff.  Let’s check it out in The Message translation for a little added flair.

“23 The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. 24 So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. 25 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting.”

Soak it in.  Drink it like a warm pot of tea on a cold day.  It’s that refreshing.

“What’s my role as a husband?” Lead like Christ

“What’s my role as a wife?” Submit like the church

Don’t say He never told you!  Now make it work.

NT

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Being Proactive..

Thanks to some good discussion with my good buddy, Nate Thiry, I’ve been thinking about the word “Proactive” and what it really means.

Proactive – Action and result oriented behavior, instead of the one that waits for things to happen and then tries to adjust (react) to them. Proactive behavior aims at identification and exploitation of opportunities and in taking preemptory action against potential problems and threats, whereas reactive behavior focuses on fighting a fire or solving a problem after it occurs.

—–

During this 10 month engagement –I’ve almost been overpreparing for the preparation stage of Paige and I’s marriage.

I’ve been:

– Reading marriage blogs
– Studying lists of do’s/don’ts as a couple
– Books
– Listening to podcasts at work
– Talking to fellow husbands
– Watching Craig Groeschel’s archived series on marriage
– Following “MarriageMentor“, “NWAMarriages” or “RelationshipMgr” on Twitter

….Anything and everything that can help better prepare Paige and I for the next chapter of our lives, starting May 29th.

Why am I doing this?

Throughout my high school days and into college, I’ve had a front row view of ways some spouses went about their marriages. Putting work first, letting finances tear them apart, being selfish, being cold-hearted, forgetting the reason they got married in the first place, and ultimately having to crawl back from the lowest of lows to get to a place of contentment. So, in seeing this — if I can do some things to prevent the lowest of lows, you better believe i’m all about it!

So, I talked to Nate about all the above — about how I  want to make sure we’re ready for everything;  the foreshadowed struggles,  the 24/7’ness of living with one another, the finances, careers, etc..

And Nate just said — “Dude, don’t worry so much about your marriage falling apart — through this engagement stage, it’s obvious that you are being proactive.” He continued on by saying “…you’d have to start worrying about things if your relationship became inactive..”

Let that sink.

While its great to read up on tips to being a great husband, or how to handle conflict in the best way possible, or how to stay out of debt, or how to balance work-life with home-life — just know that being proactive in your relationship will help combat the destructive behavior that sometimes plagues marriages due to inactivity.

What can I do to instill pro-activity within my relationship?

  • Establish/Maintain strong communication skills
  • Be supportive
  • Build trust
  • Uphold a HIGH level of respect for your spouse/fiance
  • Practice a lifestyle of servant-hood to each other
  • Make her needs your needs, her desires your desires, her goals your goals
  • Find common interests and share them with each other
  • Get on the same page
  • Be real & open with issues
  • Makeout
  • Act only out of love
  • Keep God in the center

“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” – Eph 5:33

That’s all I got..

ML