Thanks to some good discussion with my good buddy, Nate Thiry, I’ve been thinking about the word “Proactive” and what it really means.
Proactive – Action and result oriented behavior, instead of the one that waits for things to happen and then tries to adjust (react) to them. Proactive behavior aims at identification and exploitation of opportunities and in taking preemptory action against potential problems and threats, whereas reactive behavior focuses on fighting a fire or solving a problem after it occurs.
During this 10 month engagement –I’ve almost been overpreparing for the preparation stage of Paige and I’s marriage.
– Reading marriage blogs
– Studying lists of do’s/don’ts as a couple
– Listening to podcasts at work
– Talking to fellow husbands
– Watching Craig Groeschel’s archived series on marriage
– Following “MarriageMentor“, “NWAMarriages” or “RelationshipMgr” on Twitter
….Anything and everything that can help better prepare Paige and I for the next chapter of our lives, starting May 29th.
Why am I doing this?
Throughout my high school days and into college, I’ve had a front row view of ways some spouses went about their marriages. Putting work first, letting finances tear them apart, being selfish, being cold-hearted, forgetting the reason they got married in the first place, and ultimately having to crawl back from the lowest of lows to get to a place of contentment. So, in seeing this — if I can do some things to prevent the lowest of lows, you better believe i’m all about it!
So, I talked to Nate about all the above — about how I want to make sure we’re ready for everything; the foreshadowed struggles, the 24/7’ness of living with one another, the finances, careers, etc..
And Nate just said — “Dude, don’t worry so much about your marriage falling apart — through this engagement stage, it’s obvious that you are being proactive.” He continued on by saying “…you’d have to start worrying about things if your relationship became inactive..”
Let that sink.
While its great to read up on tips to being a great husband, or how to handle conflict in the best way possible, or how to stay out of debt, or how to balance work-life with home-life — just know that being proactive in your relationship will help combat the destructive behavior that sometimes plagues marriages due to inactivity.
What can I do to instill pro-activity within my relationship?
- Establish/Maintain strong communication skills
- Be supportive
- Build trust
- Uphold a HIGH level of respect for your spouse/fiance
- Practice a lifestyle of servant-hood to each other
- Make her needs your needs, her desires your desires, her goals your goals
- Find common interests and share them with each other
- Get on the same page
- Be real & open with issues
- Act only out of love
- Keep God in the center
“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” – Eph 5:33
That’s all I got..