Plan a Marriage..not your wedding!

Most of you girls who have landed on this, ages 7 – before you get married, most likely have a good mental picture of what you want for your wedding — the flowers, the displays on the reception table, your ideal wedding dress, blah, blah, blah..

But do you have a good mental picture of what you want for your Marriage..

I heard this thought the other day:

Many people mistakenly plan their WEDDING more than their actual MARRIAGE..

My thoughts:
I’m not saying you have to plan the next 30 years of post-married life. I’m saying sometimes engaged couples get so tied into wedding planning — the colors, the food, the outfits, the money involved — that they lose focus on the reason their tying the knot in the first place.

Sure – weddings take work, planning, details, etc.. but I’m thinkin’ a marriage that SHOULD last the rest of your life should no doubt take priority over a 4-5 hour cermony + reception..

By planning a marriage, I don’t mean planning a trip to the Colorado next winter — I mean really plan for a marriage and what will eventually come up..

Here’s a list of some things that you can do to plan for a marriage that not only honors each other — but honors God. (I’m using “her” throughout this list, referring to my fiance, Paige. Obviously, if your a girl, replace “her” with “him”) —> Unnecessary disclaimer..I know.

Here goes:

– Turn off the TV & any other distractions (cell phones, iPads, Kindles, computers, music — does the list ever end?) and look into each others’ eyes (thanks Kyle/Jen for this post)
-Ask questions about the future
-Argue a little (yes, FIGHT! speak your opinions in a respectful way)
-Find out how she processes conflict & the best way to find a common ground/solution.
-Find out little things YOU can do to make her smile..
-Talk about touchy subjects (views on topics, opinions about Obama, sex..)
-Find out how she likes her oatmeal cooked?
-Learn her passions — Make her passions your passions…her dreams your dreams.. (Thanks Nichole/Charlie)
-Talk about kids, jobs, thoughts on living locations..?
-Don’t even joke around about Divorce..
-Foretell financial situations (this is hard to do, but get on the same page on where your finances lay for the next year or so..)
-Affirm your love for her..
-Respect, Care, & put her as YOUR #2 (God as #1)
-Pray with each other/Read a reading plan together..
-Go OUT of your way to make her feel valued.
-Protect her
-Defend her (after all, you ARE on the same team)
-Continuously love & actively support one another.

It’s so important that you know that even though you may fight, argue or whatever you do — at the end of the day, you are on a team. You are on each others side, backing up each other regardless of what may come up. So get ready, prepare your hearts and develop a healthy mindset before venturing into a life together..

(if your married already, you can take bits and pieces from this — but this is mostly for newly engaged or seriously dating couples..)


8 responses to “Plan a Marriage..not your wedding!

  • Mom

    Wow good word son!!! you know you have a gift for writing…Books maybe..blogs for sure. I am proud of your talent!

  • Paige

    You speak highly of me sometimes and I think you forget how lucky I am that I have been blessed by God with someone who sees the importance of marriage. You put our relationship above so much and not only love and care for me, but for the strength of our relationship- not just together but with God as well. You are constantly pursuing, loving, caring, and doing anything to grow as a couple. I love you and am truly blessed to have such a man of God to be my husband.

    And if I had the potential to be a good writer, I’d blog about you.

  • Nicole

    Exceptional words Mr. Lane! So excited for you and Paige!

  • Paige

    I love reading your blog. It’s so motivating and uplifting. I’m excited to hear you are engaged, and not just because she has the coolest name in the world! Apparently I’m behind on the times. I’ve taken a little bit of a technology hiatus this summer.

    Be blessed. You deserve it!!

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